The Speech

Every man hears this at one time in his life.......eat better and exercise more. Most of them hear it from their wives, I heard it from her and my doctor. With a cholesterol of 226, I apparently haven't gotten the memo that being 30 isn't 21 with 9 years experience.

The worst part of it is that I didn't exactly live my life in a Blutarskian blitz of booze and beefsteak. It's not like St. Peter's gonna look at me and say, "Damn, boy! It's a miracle you didn't see me sooner....of course since you didn't do any weed or blow, our meeting was inevitable, but you get the drift". It's odd, though, despite the fact that I somehow regret not having had the Triple Thickburger with a fried egg on top, I'm actually kind of happy about the score. It provides extra motivation and gives me a little "health leverage" with the SO. Sorry, honey, I need to go to Crossfit....doctor's orders!

The upside is that I get extra encouragement to do more Crossfit.....but I also have the presumption of committing gastric suicide each time I yearn for a steak. This also gives me the extra impetus to be more "Warrior Vigilant" in my diet, although it's pretty hard to do this stealth...and unsupported by my SO. It's not so much that she actively feeds me chicken skins and butter in the hopes of collecting my life insurance and getting a new Corvette to go along with the cabana boy...it's just that she's decided to get off the world in 1987, and most of her health knowledge is centered on oatbran and low-fat meals.

You can't teach an old dog new tricks, and I just don't have the fight in me to try and scientifically persuade her I'm right. What makes things worse is that she has dinner on the table at precisely 2000 hrs, by which time I'm wondering if I should eat the right hand or left one first. Of course that baby IS kind of tender......but need to try and get that salad in me once I get in the door so I don't get frustrated with the dinner delay. This sucks, and right when I have to go into potluck season at work. Ugh!

Here's to weeds......may you satisfy for a little while, maybe even a long while..

So, here's the plan....small bag of trail mix for lunch, salad when I get home, stop eating by 10, and drink a ton of water during the day. Consider an antacid or two 'cause my stomach gets kind of weird towards the end of the day. Repeat as necessary.